Wednesday, June 14, 2006

World Cup Panda-Mania-Onium!

Is it to late to write a preview of the World Cup? Fine, F you guys.

We here at the Middle Foam Finger have already covered previewing the World Cup, thanks to our own Electric Zarko (ah, those group previews were electric indeed). But, I feel, I can interject my own retro-pre-non-view of the World Cup to come.

You see folks, we're only like an eighth of the way through this bad boy, and I've already lost a lot of sleep, and I'm not seeing any Z-time coming up anytime soon (n)either.

Now if only those douchebags England and France can bow out of the tourney, I will be extremely delighted and declare these the best World Cup games of all time! Germany, douchy as they may be, can stay until the second round when the geniuses in "Oranje" give the Deutches a Total Voetbal kick to the Scheisse-factory straight back to M├Ânchengladbach.

Okay, now onto the Magazine-y looking headers with not-so-interesting information underneath. And there'll be pictures, so you know, less reading:

The GOAL of the World Cup (so far)

Tim Cahill (Australia)

Tim Cahill's second goal of the match (and Australia's second goal EVER in World Cup history) sealed Australia's first ever victory in the World Cup. But, most importantly, it made me jump out of my seat and yell "Oy! A corker!"

Guus Hiddink - genius. Where does he hail from, you might ask? It's fate.

The Oranje win the cup.

Douche of the World Cup

Frank Lampard (England)

Okay, he hasn't necessarily done anything douchy, but knowing this guy's history, I would keep my eye open around this maniac with a head full of hay. He is the one player in the tournament I might want to make sure doesn't have a shiv hiding in his shin guard.

The Oranje win the cup.

Look Out For...

David Villa and Spain

Okay, I am not about to make any sort of American pro-sports team reference to Spain and their inability to "win the big one" (cough, Cubs, cough), but they (alongside Holland) have put out some of the best sides (sides, for you non-soccer, er, football, guys, side = roster. You see, a long time ago, a bunch of British people invented the sport, and they came up with fancy (read: pompous) names for everything, including side, pitch, touchline, and dive) this side of Brazil only never to win the Copa Mundial. But they looked pretty good during their first match and they still haven't played to their potential. But, Spain, if you do, please make it be against Argentina (they'll flop all the way back to Buenos Aires).

David Villa put on a spectacular show and is an immediate threat to win the Golden Boot (see earlier about fancy English words). He also has a soul patch, so if he decides to retire from his footy action, he could easily find a place in the Oakland A's rotation.


The Oranje win the cup.

You Gotta Root For...

Anyone and Everyone (but especially de Nederlandsen)

Find a team and go with it, even the douchestastic teams have shown some on-the-pitch flair, and really it's anyone's tournament at this point (except the US, they're cooked).

Oh, but don't root for England. Case in point: this is the toughest they can look....

...and that's sad.

The Oranje win the cup.

Final Prediction: (This totally goes against my World Cup Bracket, but that's hosed anyways)

Nederlands 3 - 1 Espa├▒a

(There IS finally a final worth watching)

Comments on "World Cup Panda-Mania-Onium!"


Blogger asdf said ... (8:40 PM) : 

Nice little review. I'm new to the whole soccer thing, so I'm trying to soak up as much as I can.

I never really watched Soccer until this Cup and I'm loving it.


Blogger The Electric Zarko said ... (11:21 AM) : 

Is Spain the only team that's converted from a corner kick so far? If so, that's a little weird. Usually you get a lot more goals on set plays.

Doug, I'm writing a somewhat-beginner's guide to soccer right now. The World Cup is an excellent way to get into the sport.


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